Today, I just want to write on, maybe I'll make no sense at all, but I need to get so many things out of the system, and seems like there's no better way.
You know, life is hard, but nevertheless is perfect. I do love and enjoy my days wherever it is and whomever I'm with. Then, somedays, everything seems amiss. The usual too-small-worries-which-can-be-neglected take a higher toll on the mind and the body, and they become too-small-worries-which-cannot-be-neglected, and it's always about FEAR. Maybe not the same reason, but always fear of something. I think it was Dorothy Thompson who said "Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live". When I'm in this mood, sometimes I'm strong enough to remember Frank Herbert's little pray "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death than bring obliteration. I will face my fear... And when it is gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." Sometimes, there's not enough strenght.
As I said, life is hard, but it is perfect, beauty all around you. The "can't you see you are dying everyday"-feeling of those years filled with anger, pessimism and dispair are long gone. Only the inner drive of wanting more remains.
You know, I'm in love with a ghost... wait, that's not true, as ghosts should be shadows of something that existed. I'm I-don't-know-the-name-of-the-feeling with something that is just a mix in my head, maybe so mixed up that I no longer know which part of it was real and which was not. So, it has become something that should be thrown to the litter bin...
I'm making no sense... so, another quote I like, this one from Victor Frankl "A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how.""...
And there's the key word "human being", not thoughts, shades, ghosts, or just a mix up of abstract thoughts.
Long live, and good drinking...
Ciao